Searching for your own happiness is not easy, however, I take things one step at a time. I have two jobs both are great not what I dreamed of but money buys happiness, I travelled to see my loved one, meet new friends just to make my social relationship to be better.

But all this time I feel numb and it happened too quickly I can't explain how I feel all I know is I don't know how to move on when losing someone like a friend, not just a friend a close friend. I refuse to tell the story of what happened to her it's not making me feel better.

Every morning hurts like hell but then one morning I woke up I felt very inspired I haven't felt this feeling in a long time. For some reason I applied for a job at Estee Lauder, however, I screwed up with my online interview but maybe it's not for me. I still don't know to this day if I got the job or not. All I know is I can't stop thinking about you (my blog) I can't stop thinking that I meant to be doing this. How come I'm refusing you? Afraid of failure, success or it doesn't make any sense makes me go crazy I know I sound like a lunatic maybe it's because of her... Carro who isn't with us anymore.  Is this your way of telling me that this is the career I should be taking? because I feel that I have to do this writing this makes me happy, writing all these words whispering in my ear makes me smile and all I can hear is trust the universe like you always said and that's what I'm going to do.

My Sweet Carro,

You once told me you hated goodbyes and I said ''you'll see me again'' sadly that was the last meeting at Dublin.

My heart stops for a moment when I find out you were sick and the last messaged you sent me was ''I miss our calls'' I knew I should have called you but I called you when you were already gone. Maybe it's because you didn't want me to hear how you are suffering and maybe you didn't want me to cry.

It's almost a year that you've already passed away and it's the most difficult year I faced. I continue to text your number over and over again is the only way for me to stay close until I decided to stop and get a new phone and number. It helped me a little to not think about you and try to live my life as normal. I managed to spend time with my friends, visited Dublin again and when I left my emotions came back. After a while, it got easier and easier I felt that I needed that visit and to fixed my LDR with my boyfriend and to meet new people.  I achieved all this because you were there to witness my journey.

Carro, wherever you are in the world you are the most amazing, intelligent, kind, spirited, patient, honest, love and extraordinary best friend I've ever had. One day I will visit Portugal and show me all the good places, food and meet your family that you wishes.

I know that you will find your path and happiness in another life, I believe in you and forever be with you in another life time.

Thank you for your generous support of everything I do, I'll make you proud and I will not stop blogging like you told me to, I can feel you now, I miss you, I love you and Goodbye...

Lots of love
Ana